Flaming Keys

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Just to point out for the hard of hearing, this did not happen today, okay, it’s all made up, the series of events described below did not unfold.

Flammable Stores at our place are kept most securely under lock and key.
The key is logged out and back in again in a special book, witnessed by a Security Guard no less.
I didn’t know any of this until today.
A man came hunting for me, having been to various buildings to find me, wanting to know why I had logged out the key to the flammable stores, I have no business accessing such places, and why I hadn’t returned the key.
This came as something of a surprise to me because I didn’t know we had a flammable stores, let alone where it is, nor did I know were or how to get the key.
According to the security log (and for privacy reasons the witless have had their names changed) Jack Sprat (my present pseudonym) had taken the key.
I confessed confusion and innocence and he went back to Security to double check.
It also transpired later that he had spoken to my line manager, the boss of the organisation and interrupted a senior managers’ meeting to discuss the matter. I must also confess to being a little peeved about this, as there is nothing to discuss, I did not take the key and am a little narked that the suggestion was thrown at everybody in the food chain above me that I had accessed an area I had no right to and abused organisational policy and protocol. And at the time was more than a little concerned that a potential fire-bomber terrorist type person had used my name to a get a key to get to all the incendiary and ammunition necessary to blow us all to hell. But I digress.
Some time later he returned, it seems the security guard had given him the wrong name after all (bearing in mind I don’t know any of the security guards and they don’t know me (out of 4000+ staff on site)), it seems the security guard meant to say Jack Scole. You will note that other than the forename, a single letter at the beginning of the surname, there is absolutely no comminality between our names. An easy mistake. Maybe.
But it gets better because yon keeper of the keys had then gone back to the original building, to look for Jack Scole. There was and is no such person. There is however a Debbie Scole and when questioned she had indeed taken and logged out the key in the security log and accessed the flammable stores. Considering this is a nessacery aspect of her job not a problem. She had also returned they key, 2 hours previously, albeit to a different security guard, who rather than logging the key back in, in the book, had just lashed it back in the cupboard.
So you can imagaine how thrilled the keeper of the keys was. He’d spent an afternoon on a wild goose chase, hunting me from building to building to find that not only was he looking for the wrong person in the wrong place, then the wrong person in the right place, to finally find the right person (of the opposite sex) who had every reason to take the key and she had returned it, and it was in the box where it should have been all along.
Makes you proud. I will sleep safe tonight, safe in the knowledge that our security systems are in place, and our security guards are of the highest calibre. Safe in the knowledge that our Security Guards can confuse Debbie Scole with Jack Sprat, and that any eegit can just walk up to them and ask for the key to the the largest collection of dangerous chemicals for several miles. Still it’s all ok because we do have a book whereby you can’t access this material without putting your name down first, so it’s all ok. We’ve fulfilled our management obligations. The boxes have been ticked. We’ve got a book.